The Peace That Passes Understanding

Why me God? How can you ask me to love my enemies? I will be obedient to you because I love you, but why?

For days nothing else has entered my thoughts. How can I show them I love them? How can I mend the wounded spirits that have been held hostage and mangled in this mess? Hours upon hours of thought have gone into the process. Will they give the gifts I offer to a homeless man, or worse, throw them in the trash? What if my efforts are all in vain? The mind can be a torture device if not restrained properly.

"Give freely. With no strings attached, " says the Holy Spirit. I pass the discount shelves and am tempted to buy the most inexpensive item available and call it a day. But God continues to convict me that I must give my best. "If they are going to believe you love them, it has to cost you something," he says. "Offer them no less than you would yourself." Ouch. With a sour taste in my mouth, I continue browsing and scheming, looking for that perfect item to give those who have caused such pain and anguish in my soul.

Lord, do you not remember all the horrible things I have been through. Have you forgotten how many nights I worried myself sick? All the tears I have cried? All the strain it has caused my new marriage? My mind replayed all the horrible, rotten things they had said and done. Memories of the long; miserable days and the physical ill affects they had on my body came flooding back in. Racking up a $30,000.00 legal price tag left me in complete and utter financial ruin. These people hate me. They attacked me and left me emotionally dead  Lord. I have done as you asked: I have forgiven them, and asked for their forgiveness. They refuse to accept my apology and have made no changes in their behavior towards me. Please do not ask me to bless them.

"Do you love me?" he asks. "Because I love you my child. I want what is best for you. If you want to be rid of this burden regardless of their behavior, you must be obedient. I never asked you to treat them like you thought they deserved to be treated. I commanded you treat them how you want to be treated."

As a child, I had learned the Golden Rule. I knew God was right. I finished my shopping, being careful not to pick up anything that didn't meet my own standards of quality. With each thing I purchased, I made sure to pray that God would bless this gift and help it change the heart of the one receiving it. As I prayed, a calmness came over me and I was filled with a Christ like love for my adversaries. I began to see them through God's eyes and not my own.

God continued His process of changing my heart by reminding me that He loves them too. He shared with me that He had wiped their tears at the same time He was wiping mine. There hurts were no bigger than my own. And I was no more important than they are. Not in His eyes. We are all His children and we all need the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. As he shared, the bitterness in my heart melted. It was replaced with love. Love for my enemies and peace that everything will be okay.

This weekend, I will have these gifts delivered to the people who have brought me such pain and misery. The same people who God has used to draw me close to Him and demonstrate to me what real unconditional love is. My motivation is not to recieve a thank you or an apology. Its simply to be obedient to the God I love and trust. The God who has given me a love for these individuals I never thought I could have.

He has blessed me immensely for my obedience. I have hope that He will heal the broken relationships in my situation, and I walk much lighter now not carrying the weight of guilt and sought after restitution. Some people may think I am crazy. I have apologized to people who have wished me evil. I have asked for forgiveness and received no response. I have taken what little money I had a blessed them with things that would brighten their days.

Does this make me a saint? No, it makes me a sinner who is focused on God and His will for my life. I'm not crazy. I just have a peace that passes all human understanding. God is soverign. He will handle this in His time. And if I keep my focus on Him and remain obedient, everything will be okay.