It goes without saying that I am very thankful winter is over. I am an outside girl and I always will be. I love sunshine and warm weather, tennis courts, fishing, anything that can be done in spring and summer. Anyone who knows me will tell you I detest rainy; gloomy weather. Even worse, I despise cold and snow. I would rather sign up for a colonoscopy than have weather like that. Even so, I understand that the colorless; dead appearance of outdoors in the winter is a requirement in order for nature to survive. I know it has immense value and that even though I cannot see it, there are wonderful things going on in nature that will result in a beautiful spring when the time is right.
On the flipside, when we do not have a proper winter season, there are many negative side effects. Some of those include pest infiltration in our crops, drought conditions, and poor growth of vegetation. Rest, recuperation, conserving energy, and protection from the outside elements are crucial for healthy crops and beautiful springs.
This same principal can and often should apply to marriage. Marriage is a sacred union, joined together by God and the vows of one man and one woman. It produces many wonderful things: emotional and spiritual maturity, unconditional love, children, family, homes, a witness for Christ, etc. It's concept was designed by God and was intended to be the purest kind of relational love with the exception of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for our sins. It was actually designed to model the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost). Scripture is very clear that marriage is to consist only of one husband, one wife, and God. There should be no other person or thing in that triangle.
Sadly, in our culture today, God's measuring stick for marriage is not the world's. The world tells us we are to be completely independent of our spouse,choosing to focus on whatever else bring us true happiness. Sometimes that is our career, sometimes it is our money or stature in the community. Other times it is a busy schedule, the goal for a perfect supermodel body, and sometimes it can even be church. Perhaps the worst cause of distance and isolation in a marriage are people who claim to be our friends and family. These are the people we trust the most with our personal struggles and heartaches, yet many times they are the first to encourage us to sell our marital committment short for temporary; misguided pleasures on this earth.
For Bryan and I, it is the latter. Ours is a family that has been ripped apart at the seams by the demands of unhappy, hurting, and insecure children. Children who honestly feel that I should not be in their father's life. As I look back on the last 18 months, I have to laugh at the number of family functions and activities I have been uninvited to simply because I am unaccepted (at least for the time being). I have been banned from vehicle rides, family camping trips, school functions (including Graduation), courtroom sagas, etc. Pretty much, if you can name it, I have been banned from it. What once used to get under my skin now makes me laugh! It's not a laugh of haughtiness or disrespect. It's a laugh of amazement. All my life I have thought I was fairly insignificant and small to the general population. But I must be really important for people to go through all that trouble just for me.
All laughing aside, it has been a very painful process for our entire family for two reasons: (1) we have children who do no understand the design for marriage by a Holy God and (2) we simply cannot honor their request that he kick me to the curb in order to prove his love for them. We made vows to eachother and even more important: to God. We desperately want all of our children to accept our marriage and learn to embrace this new blessing from God, but it will have to be on their time; not ours. And in the meantime, we have to be patient and loving, but not compromise on God's standard for marriage. My memory escapes me as to how many actual times we have gone around this same mountain with them. But in spite of our best efforts, the relationships of all involved are strained at best.
What we have here is a basic struggle of two opposing worldviews mixed into the side effects of a very bitter divorce and custody battle. And suffice it to say: it has affected every relationship within our family right up to aunts, uncles, and even grandparents. Bryan and I were well prepared for the kids to lash out. We were not prepared for a family that would eventually encourage giving the children whatever they wanted at any expense as long as they are happy....even the expense of a failed marriage.
Genesis defines marriage as a man leaving his father and mother and being joined to his wife. They become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24). Mathew goes onto elaborate further in this concept by saying that the husband and wife are no longer two, but are one in the flesh. "What God has joined together, let not man separate." (Mathew 19:5-6). It is very clear after reading God's Word that He designed the marriage relationship to be unique from all others.
Nowhere in scripture do we find that God commands us to become one flesh with our children, our parents, our jobs, our money, etc. He only calls us to become unified with our spouse. Every single time we are tempted to put someone else or something else in our partner's place, trouble is bound to follow. Bryan and I can rest peacefully and secure in the fact that even though there are few people who agree with our model and goals for a successful marriage, God does.
Our situation is not special, There are many people out there who feel the mounting outside pressures of a faulty worldview system caving in on their marriage. Is it your children? Your job? Maybe it's money and career pressures, or maybe you are one of those middle aged Americans going through a mid-life crisis. Perhaps you are one of those ladies, listening to the advice of a friend who says,"You are a beautiful; intelligent lady. You don't need him- get out while you can." Whatever your adversary, you are most likely feeling a wave of guilt, panic, and confusion offset by a commonly sold lie that the only true happiness is the kind you accomplish alone-without the help of a spouse.
If you are one of these people and you feel like your marriage is under attack, take a lesson from nature: go into hibernation with your mate. Unplug your phones, turn off the computer and the television, if need be and finances allow, take a trip. Preferrably to the middle of nowhere so noone can find you for a few days. Find as many christian marriage books as you can stockpile and spend your days reading to eachother...edifying eachother and strengthening your marital bonds. Read God's Word and pray together. Make certain that as a couple that you are in the will of God. Then, take time to enjoy eachother. It matters little what you do, as long as you do not include anyone else in your time together. You are in hibernation with your mate...a time of sharing eachother's resources and conserving energy so you can grow together and emerge stronger and more united than before...able to take on the world together no matter what the challenge is.
"What God has joined together, let not man separate." (Mathew 19:5-6). Is there something trying to separate you from your spouse? Hibernate with them. I give you my word, a beautiful; prosperous spring is in your future.
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