Finding The Beauty In Our Pain

"Life is messy; clean it up."  or... "Life stinks and then you die."

There are an infinite number of cliches used to describe the perils of our human existence. As human beings we know we cannot have it perfect all the time, but in the midst of our struggles, we immediately forget the sunny days of life and focus only on the negative. Is life messy? Yes. Does it stink? Sometimes. Are we all going to die? Without a doubt. So if none of these things are truly a surprise to us, why do we dwell on them in our times of turmoil?

Because life hurts. People hurt us. Some days life is so painful we no longer want to live. Most of us never entertain the thought of suicide, but we die to life in other ways. Maybe we give up our favorite hobbies, or maybe we stop communicating with those who love us. In some instances we may be tempted to turn to alcohol or drugs to mask our pain. There are millions of ways we mutilate ourselves to get rid of the pain others have caused us. Each one of us is unique in our pain and we all have an equally unique way of dealing with it.

At the same time we are trying to silence our pain, it becomes who we are. Until eventually, it just defines us. We can no longer remember who we were before we began hurting. There seems to be no way back to the previously happy existence we once called life. We become the walking dead. Lifeless and hopeless. Because that is what pain does. It debilitates us to the point where we emotionally suffocate and die.

I've been through many painful stages of life: divorce, the death of family members, the loss of friendships, family squabbles...the list goes on and on. But not one of these things compares to the pain of watching my step-children suffer simply because they are being used as a tool for revenge. Nothing compares with watching my husband's heart break repeatedly every time he reaches out to his children in love only to have the door slammed in his face. And nothing pains me more than to hear that there are children being encouraged by their mother to ignore all forms of contact from a loving; doting Dad simply because he has moved on in life.

But this is my reality. Divorce hurts people. And hurting people hurt people. On almost a daily basis, our children are being held hostage by a hurting parent who uses them to square the deal. And every day, our heart breaks at the long term damage this will cause our children emotionally. Not only do we suffer because we know they are in pain, but we suffer because they have been isolated so far from us that we cannot reach them to comfort them in their time of need. And to make matters worse, the one parent who has access to their tender hearts is the parent causing the division and pain. There are days where it truly seems hopeless and we want to give in and quit.

But it is in those moments where God quietly comforts me and tells me, If you will let me, I will use your pain to change the hearts of everyone in this situation. Do not run from your pain; learn to live and love through it.

I want to lash out at the person causing the pain. I want to have justice served. I want to build walls and protect my heart from the daily ritual of our children being ripped to shredds emotionally by people who cannot see beyond their own hurt and dissappointment in life long enough to put innocent children first. But even if I did these things, the hurt would be the same for me. And my selfishness would only cause more harm to others. There is only one solution that puts the needs of everyone in our situation first.

I am going to love. I am going to open my arms as wide as I can to those who broadcast to the world their hate for me. When they hurt me, I will reply with, "I love you." I will take whatever hurt they want to unload on me and return all their anger with unconditional love. I will bless them especially when they curse me. Because it makes me feel better? No. Loving people that hurt me will never make me bulletproof. Their words and actions will still cause my heart pain. I will still cry tears. But God will wipe them from my eyes and comfort me.

Today I hurt. There are people in my life who are causing me pain. Intentionally. My children are hurting. My husband is hurting. We are all hurting.  I have no answers and I have no idea when we will all feel better. But learning to love others in spite of that hurt is beautiful. God can use our hurt to change the hearts and lives of many if we will let Him complete His work in us. We just have to choose to love through our pain.

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Genesis 50:20